I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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