you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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