I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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