Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
