Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
