he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Can I color on your dick again?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
