I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
