I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
