you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize