Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
