were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
