It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
