Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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