I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just threw up on my dentist
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
