ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
