a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize