Having a random hookup so left but love u
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
