p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
