Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize