I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
