We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
