Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
