I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
