I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
