Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
