Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think I sprained my soul last night
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
