turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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