at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
