Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
