You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
