Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
