I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I need a burrito and a hug.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
