Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
