Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
