I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
