the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
