I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
