i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I am available for nakedness
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
