if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
