mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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