Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
