So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize