Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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