He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
