capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
