I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
