Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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