the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
it's like heaven, but drunker
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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