are you still at the devil's house?
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
