He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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