Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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