onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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