Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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