So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
