Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
