my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
