im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize