Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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