This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
