roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
