ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
