hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
