Banned from zoo.
Again?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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