THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
