Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
