This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
