i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
