Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Blood and glitter go together right?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
as a side note pls kill me
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
