I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
