I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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