Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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