Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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