going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
