I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Sorry my hands just texted you
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
