My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
