I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
