I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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