I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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